I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
