Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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