tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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