If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
