I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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