I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
