Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
