Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
