if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She said her name was "party"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
