i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
