the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
