I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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