I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
