I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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