i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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