He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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