So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
