Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
