Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There's even glitter on my cock...
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