whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
