batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
