plz talk dirty to me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
