just come out here and I will go home with you...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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