I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
