Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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