I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
