end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
