dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
