I just made out with a guy for $7.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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