He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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