I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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