You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
