I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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