Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
