Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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