Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
