I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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