I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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