You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
