dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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