i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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