She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
