Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
