When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
