i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
