I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
