So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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