I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
