I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
