so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
