Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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