What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
