I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
