im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
