eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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