when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
