I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
