hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
