Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
