She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
