Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
