I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
