Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
