I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i dont even know how to be here
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
