Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
