Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
