well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
